The first week of January, I realized my period was late. I had been feeling off but chalked it up to the cold season. My fiancé and I had just gotten engaged two months earlier, and we were visiting a potential wedding venue. As I stood there, a voice in my head kept saying, don’t pay the deposit—you’re late for your period. Could I have gotten pregnant over Christmas break?
On the way home, we picked up two pregnancy tests. I kept telling myself, “You’ll see the words ‘Not Pregnant.’” But when I turned the test around, I saw one word that made my whole body go numb: Pregnant.
I froze. Fear coursed through me as I stood in my bathroom. Tim, my fiancé, broke the silence: “Is it positive?”
I expected him to panic like I was. I had no job, no place to live, and was attending school across the country. How would I tell my mentor? My parents? Instead, he hugged me. “I am so excited,” he said. “All I’ve ever wanted was to be a dad. Everything is going to be alright. We’ll be taken care of.”
At that moment, I felt so conflicted. I felt like my life was over, but at the same time, I wanted to be a mom. Just not this soon.
I only had 48 hours before my flight back to school in California.
So, I made it my goal to tell everyone in my family who needed to know. With every good reaction, like Tim’s, I was also met with reactions that brought me shame. My dad didn’t take the news well, but he did tell me to get an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy.
I couldn’t get into my OBGYN, so I contacted a friend who worked at a women’s health clinic. She arranged an appointment at a clinic nearby.
I couldn’t sleep that night. Fear consumed me. I had alcohol with my family at a celebration of our engagement just two nights before. Did I hurt my baby?
When I arrived at the clinic, it was just what I needed. My friend and client advocate, Stefan, comforted me, speaking calmly to ease my nerves. Even so, I felt detached, floating through the experience. When it was time for the ultrasound, I saw the baby for the first time—a tiny peanut. She zoomed in on the baby, and I could see the heartbeat.
“Babies have a special way of doing things to families,” the nurse told me. At that moment, reality sank in. I was pregnant. And my baby was already changing my life.
Finding Joy in the Unexpected
After going to California and saying my goodbyes, I left school and moved back home. I refused to let my circumstances steal the joy of my pregnancy. Tim and I got married just a few months later. Although the wedding was a lot of hard work and not exactly what I originally planned, it was beautiful and more perfect than I had dreamed. I knew the same would be true for my baby.
I found a midwife and threw myself into preparing for my dream birth. Who cared about the odds stacked against us? This baby deserved the best start to life.
Tim and I took parenting classes, learned about birth, and planned for a birthing center delivery.
The Day She Was Born
Close to my birth, my blood pressure spiked, I was told I’d need to be induced. But after taking Cervidil to ripen my cervix, my labor progressed naturally.
Sitting on a birthing ball, I felt my water break, and within an hour and a half, I went from 2 to 8 centimeters. I was in so much pain, but I clung to one thought: You were made for this.
Labor was nothing short of magical. With my mom’s hand in one of mine and Tim’s in the other, I pushed. Two minutes later, our daughter entered the world.
I gave birth in three hours. It was the most empowering, joyful experience of my life. I laughed through the labor, overwhelmed by the sheer high of meeting our baby girl. She was perfect, healthy, and everything I’d dreamed of.
From the moment I saw that positive pregnancy test, all I wanted was for her to be healthy. Holding her on my chest, I felt an indescribable love. I’d thought my life couldn’t get better, but motherhood proved me wrong. It keeps getting better every day.
Reframing Motherhood
Throughout my pregnancy, I scrolled through social media, and the negativity about motherhood was disheartening. From TikTok lists about why people don’t want kids to comments like “free birth control,” I struggled to find uplifting content. It seemed like motherhood was framed as the end of independence or happiness.
But the truth about motherhood is so much richer. I wish I could tell my past self how many people would support me, how loved I’d feel, and how fulfilled I’d be. Motherhood has brought me into my destiny, strengthened my relationship with Tim, and filled my life with joy.
This journey has taught me that motherhood isn’t something to fear. It’s something to celebrate. And I can’t wait to experience it all over again.
